This will be a two parter – just too long for one e-mail.  I am trying to find a good breaking point so they come together okay.

Philippians 1: 20-21 According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death.

²¹ For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

The last few days I have just not been able to focus, let alone write.  So I used that time to heal physically and do some quiet meditation and mulling over where I am with God.

One of the quotes I came across was this one:

“Everyone who is regenerated by the Spirit, and gives himself up entirely to God for true justification, is thus admitted to the closest union with Christ, and becomes one with him.”  -- John Calvin

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

This verse came to mind many times this past week.  What does it mean?

I have always heard it preached as our devotion to God and obedience to Him.  To live as if Christ was living within in us.

But I believe there is more to it. 

I remember the first time we took my oldest daughter, and left her in Eugene at the University of Oregon.  I had barely gotten out of town – had not even made it to the freeway three or so miles away and had to pull over and stop as I allowed the my emotions to flow, it took a while but I finally was able to wipe my eyes and drive again.

That was the first of many times I had to sit by the road side and compose myself. 

I remember one time where we had attended a dinner for parents and family at her sorority house.  We got to meet her sisters/friends and their parents.  It was a good feeling going home, after pulling over, and I can remember telling Carla that I felt better about coming away without her, she was with people who cared for her.

Later that weekend, our older son came up from the basement and asked me where ‘Assume’ station was, I asked him he meant Autzum station (the football stadium for the UO) he said yes.  I told him it was in Eugene, and asked “why?”  There had been a shooting at the stadium.

So much for feeling better.

I remember the Friday after Thanksgiving when the Lynds family came together to celebrate and she had come by bus and needed to be taken back to the bus in Bend.

When I got back I looked at my mother-in-love and asked her if it ever got any easier, she said, ‘no.’

At a later date we stayed overnight with her in an apartment in Portland, where she had recently moved. 

Carla and I were sleeping in the bedroom (our daughter had given up her bed) while she and the kids were sleeping in the living room.

It was a nice apartment complex in a good neighborhood.  That morning as Carla and I were just getting up I told her I felt pretty good about where she was staying.

I had barely gotten the words out when we heard gunshots from the parking lot below.  As I rushed from the bedroom, gun in hand I saw the kids looking out the window.

I told them to get down and looked out myself to see if there was something I needed to do.

In the parking lot was a Multnomah County patrol car behind another car, it was obviously a felony stop as both deputies were behind open doors with guns drawn.

As I recall no one was injured.  The suspect was involved in a burglary of a gun shop on the corner and when he tried to get away he found himself trapped in the parking lot.

I have since learned not to make statements about how great I feel about where my children are – at least without a quick prayer.

To be continued tomorrow.